Time to be Frank.

Hello, I'm Frank.

Now that my quota for obvious jokes have been made, I feel I need to update on the blog's progress.

I am currently enrolled in my first semester as a sophomore in college at Illinois State University. I'm having a real  nice start to the year, but unfortunately I have been busier than I have ever been. My classes demand lots of attention and study time, which takes away from my ability to continuously write for this blog. All of the subjects I want to write about or have already planned to write about take a lot more thought power than I'm able to presently provide. However, I still want to keep this blog running and updated, hence my dilemma.

That's why I'm going to try out an idea that came to me earlier today. At my mother's house in my hometown, I have a large collection of books. (Currently the number sits around 320 and always growing.) It has been a collection I officially started last year and features a very large variety of subjects. It is entirely unfocused and include many of my current interests, my childhood literature, and anything cheap and/or free that looked interesting.

So I want to talk about them.

The entire collection is listed on an excel worksheet on my computer along with their publishers, authors, and the dates that they were published. It isn't a perfect list, and I'm nearly positive I've left a few texts out, but it still includes a large majority of what I store on my shelves. Once a week, I will use a random number generator to pick out a book. The only other stipulation is that I have to have read it. If the generator produces the number of a book I have not read yet, I will pick the closest one that has been.

I've been planning on talking about my book collection for a few months, and I think this is a perfect way to do so. There won't be a specific format for each post. It will all depend on what I feel like talking about. Like I said, the collection is always growing and there will always be new additions to talk about. There will be one for this week which I will work on as soon as I finish typing this up!

I'm very excited to start, so keep coming back for more posts about books!

Flight Rising - Raising and Breeding Dragons

Since early April, I've been playing a newer online game with some of my close friends after a recommendation to create an account during one of their open periods. The game is called Flight Rising, a database where users can breed, raise, and fight dragons. The interface resembles games similar to Fallen London, browser-based and textual.  Upon signing in, each user is required to choose a clan based off of the eleven elemental gods that helped shape the universe. After that, you are able to create your own dragon from scratch based off of four starter types (there are eleven breeds of dragons total.) This will be the only direct customization, however, because after the tutorial your only means of dragon tailoring will be through breeding different pairs of dragons with many different colors and genes.  On my account, I am Pyroxima, currently a lower resident of the Emberglow Hearth in the fire clan. My overall goal for the game is to collect all of the different types of dragons, male and female, in each of the eleven clans. I have already written out extensive and organized spreadsheets for everything that I have collected, but I still have a long ways to go.

The game also supports some role-playing, with an ability to provide lengthy descriptions for yourself and your dragons. The encyclopedia also holds the background lore to the game, detailing the beginnings of the world. I eventually plan to take a more serious role in roleplaying my own story to add to the narrative of the game.

You can find the game at the link below, but it is important to note that sign-in periods are very strict. You will only be able to sign up for the game usually once a month and last for about two days. The registration window is closed right now for the June period, but when July comes around I hope that this has persuaded some to join. If you'd like, you can send me a friend request when you join and I will be more than happy to help out any new players. I hope to see this website grow!

Flight Rising: http://www1.flightrising.com/

My Clan Page: http://flightrising.com/main.php?p=lair&tab=userpage&id=143568

Poetry Slam at Milner Library - April 24, 5:00 P.M.

In a few days, to see out the "Envisioning Poetry" exhibit, a final musical performance/poetry reading will take place this Thursday at 5:00 on the second floor of Milner Library at Illinois State University. I, along with some other cool people, will be reading and performing their own original works and it'll be a real fun time. If you can make it and want to feel cultured, you're cordially invited. It is free, to my knowledge, and the actual readings will take place around 5:15. The whole event shouldn't take more then an hour and a half. Hope to see a bunch of people there!

Poetry/Art Exhibit at ISU

A few months ago, I submitted the poem "Candles and Ink" into the art history club as part of a collaboration set in our school library. I hadn't heard from them in awhile, so I figured they were still planning the set pieces. Tonight, however, as I was buying a bagel and some milk, I saw a new set of pieces lining the walls of the library. Lo and behold, my piece was hanging with it's companion sculpture, of which was my first time seeing. This is really amazing, and the art piece (titled "Sifted Clamp") is incredible. I'm so pleased to see it up and I figured I should share immediately. Thank you to the art history club for this collaboration, and special thanks to Jeremy Lampe who created the sculpture. To say I'm excited would be an understatement. I'm not used to my pieces being recognized like this, so my gratitude is tremendous. :)

Mint Chocolates and Morality Debates

Pretty much sums up my night in the title, with the addition of pajamas and the faint smell of tobacco from my roommate's most recent creation. I've just returned to the university from my spring break over the last week which turned out to be long and very relaxing. It was a much needed vacation, although now there is much work to be done.

However, before I begin any of this important work, I've decided to pass the time before I decide to sleep with some Youtube videos and I came across an interesting debate between Matt Dillahunty, former president of the Atheist Community of Austin and a popular public speaker/debater over religious topics, and Father Hans Jacobse, an Orthodox Priest who also speaks and debates religious affairs as well as edits the website Orthodoxy Today. The two discussed morality and whether or not God was a key component when considering moral choices and lifestyles, with Dillahunty arguing that He is not and Jacobse arguing that he is. I've been following Dillahunty for the past few months over YouTube mainly and I've ultimately agreed with many of his expressed opinions, and the same can be said for his position in this debate. However, one thing that caught me off guard was Jacobse's position, who seemed to formulate the argument around the stance that the bible as a work of fiction told more truth that if it was taken literally. This means he was not a biblical literalist, yet he still believed that God was the creator of the universe and human morality. The fact that he wasn't a literalist yet still a believer isn't what threw me off, however. There are plenty of Christians who recognize the bible as fictitious yet still believe in a deity. What really caught my interest was the formulation of his arguments. He seemed to heavily imply that it was purely the beauty of the bible's stories that offered even more truth than any non-fiction story due to its affect on your inner self or something like that. I worry that I'm butchering his arguments, but at the same time I'm not even sure if he fully comprehends what he's talking about. He was also convinced that this post-modernist age was in a war with "competing moral visions," which I believe I agree with, but then at around an hour or so into the debate he makes a large claim that secularist lifestyles lead only towards bloodshed and Holocausts. Unfortunately for him, this didn't please the audience very well and he quickly fell into a hole.

By talking about Father Jacobse on here, my goal is not to poke fun at him, but instead just to share this very vague yet interesting standpoint on the issue of morality. I've never really seen anything like it, and by the end he tried to twist it into a message involving pornography and music.  I tended to find his positions less frustrating and more comical yet very intruiging and I thought I'd share it here. However, what did frustrate me was his blatant misunderstanding and misrepresentation of atheism, which is all too common in these sorts of formal debates. I felt Dillahunty handled it well though, and while it wasn't one of his most exciting debates, Father Jacobse definitely made the experience unique and entertaining. If you have two hours to spare and feel like watching formal religious debates, I highly recommend this particular one.

The full debate: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WJl1mpTqj-o

Princess

In armor sewn with dragon scales

Within walls of diamond and metal

Surrounded by armies mounted on valleys

A tender soul that won’t settle.

Shout-outs to Cool People! Also, Small Updates.

Lately a few friends of mine have started projects on the internet that I'm really excited to see progress, and I figured they needed some attention to help them on their way. This may not be much, but its a way for them to get their names out in the open.

If you're a fan of let's plays on Youtube, then my friend Drake has started a channel with that exact purpose! The Mallard Gamer is currently tempting his fate in the popular horror game Five Nights at Freddy's and has a lot of plans for gaming in the future. He also posts daily vlogs to keep up with news and updates and has plans to host charity live streams. You can find him at the link below, or go onto YouTube and search for Mallard Gamer.

Mallard Gamer: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC_uool6CvLWnlTGLb1IQOFw

The second channel I want to recommend is madamPHORIC, also on YouTube. She has just started vlogging on her brand new channel and has possible plans for future let's plays and other collaborations. Her channel is even newer than Mallard's but shows just as much promise in my opinion.

madamPHORIC: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCvLRCvT5t19xRgnpGQ0-gcQ

Again, both of these channels are really good friends of mine and I really can't wait to see their channels grow. Please go show some support for them by subscribing or even leaving a like for one of their videos.

As for me, I'm currently in the process of a few minor projects. Underneath schoolwork, I'm also writing a few songs which I'll hopefully record and eventually share onto here. On top of that, I'm also starting a very rough draft for a short novel I wish to write. I'm still working out many of the kinks and dents in the layout, but the idea is slowly fleshing out and I'm excited to see where it goes!

Poor Internet, Newspapers, and Schoolwork.

First off, I'd like to apologize to anyone who plays Guns of Icarus Online whose crew I was a part of and I have disconnected from. For the past few weeks I've been having internet troubles at my university that forces me to disconnect from every game that I attempt to join. Even worse, lately the school's networks have been demanding a sign-in process for any wireless use, which would be fine if a) it worked consistently and b) I actually stayed connected when attempting to play any game on the internet. As one can guess, neither are the case. I am a little tender currently as I was just forced out of a 4v4 deathmatch within the first five minutes of gameplay, and to anyone who plays GoIO know, this is not only incredibly frustrating but also detrimental to the crew of the ship. So once again, for what it means, apologies to everyone who I have unwillingly abandoned.

As promised, I come with news concerning the result of the interview as well as the position in question. Before my winter break in December, I had applied as a writer for the Black Sheep, a satirical newspaper that centers itself around a number of universities, ISU included. They took interest in my application and requested a few writing samples, which I completed and submitted within the dates that they were due. I may post the articles here at some point, but probably not until closer to the spring.

On an earlier post, I described the second interview process for the position that included an embarrassing yet humorous story (or at least I believed so) and ended with ambiguity as to where I stood as far as obtaining the position. To my disappointment, they decided not to accept me into their ranks as a writer through a formal e-mail. There are no hard or venomous feelings towards them, and I understand their position. However, this now leaves me without a job or any sort of volunteer position. Still, I am confident I will find something suitable for me.

For now, I'm playing things by year. I just had inspiration for a possible book idea involving a robot and a creator, but I'm not sure if this inspiration will last long enough for me to at least write a rough draft. As far as poems and stories go, they will not appear as quickly and closely-packed as they have lately. A majority of the works I shared were older poems I had used for other outlets. This does not mean I will stop writing them, however, and one should expect more in the comings months. Until then, let us hope the weather decides to warm itself soon.

Oblivion

The days and the nights never end

The pendulum freezes in its place

The air is filled with yesterday

I have stopped the world.

Time is nothing to me

Gravity succumbs to reality

Power in impossibility

I have stopped the world.

The starts have abandoned us

The moon breaks free and runs

Fire fills my lungs in sleep

Please, please, stop the world.

This world is falling apart, but Earth will never change.

I'm...

bored.

Shuffling Stars

At the foot of the path of future

In a time when desires were imprisoned by my objectives

Unawareness clouded my every step

But my intentions moved towards the heavens

And the key to my mind’s cell appeared

For the moon rose above, white with a pale brilliance

With only an inch covered by necessities

But this eclipse did little to collapse this moment

And as I questioned why I deserved this reward

My feet reminded me of their existence

By testing my very balance on this Earth

And as I corrected their mistake

My eyes drew away too quickly

For when I returned my attention to the heavens

I admit, for my own fault in temptation

For better or for worse

It had disappeared behind shuffling stars

Leaving me in my spotlight of conscience.

I've tasted its bittersweets and should be content

And in a way, I have gotten my fill

No more do I need, no less I should accept

The memories are there coupled in my thankfulness

And this is all I need.

My Interview Slip-up.

Yesterday, I had an over-the-phone interview with a company I've been trying to volunteer at for awhile. I'll explain the details of who they are after they have decided my fate (not that I think its much of a secret, but I'm just being safe.) Its been a long process, from application to a phone interview to doing some preliminary tasks for them to the second interview, which is the subject of the story.

I won't describe the whole interview in great detail, but overall I would describe it as decent. There were some aspects about my answers to his questions that he seemed to enjoy and others where my confidence lacks. It wasn't a terrible interview by any means. In fact, it was pretty basic and very short, lasting only about 10-15 minutes (which may not bode well for me, but he didn't seem to have many questions. But maybe he was tired of talking to me. But maybe ah). Yet despite the shaky experience, the final words of the conversation is where my embarrassment derives.

After he had finished with his questions, he asked if I had any of my own. I told him I didn't (which should never be the case, always have questions with your interviewer. It shows interest.) and he said he would get back to me in about a week. We both said our thank yous and salutations. Then he said, "Good-bye." In my infinite spontaneous wisdom, I wanted to end with something else rather than a normal "good-bye," so in a nanosecond I decided to change it up by saying "See you later!"

See you later?!?!?!

Is that not one of the most cockiest things one could possible say at the end of an interview?? Especially one over the phone?! Almost instantly after I hung up, I realized the folly of what I had said and almost vocally whimpered. I was (and too an extent, am still) worried that he took my final words as, "Yeah, we both know I'm getting it, so see you later." Which is a lie, I'm not sure at all whether or not I have even a chance to get hired. I mean, I figured I've been contacting them for awhile and that means I have some sort of spark that they see. But even then, that does not excuse my final good-bye. Perhaps I'm over-thinking this little detail, and I've grown accustomed to telling myself, "Oh, he probably didn't hear, right?" ehhhhhhh.

I'll update when I find out whether or not I got the job, as well as what that job actually is. In the meantime, I'm going to review my interviewing skills, or lack thereof.

Lucas

Hello, my name is Lucas.  I am currently sitting on a bench near 2212 Stanley Rd. on April 30^th, 2014.  I am eight years old, it’s around six ‘o’ clock in the afternoon, and I think I just ran away from home.  Of course, I don’t have a sack at the end of a long stick like in the cartoons, I just have what I’m wearing.  I don’t know what I’m going to do now.  I think I’ve been here for hours, and I know I should probably move, but when I try to get myself to leave I wonder where I would go.  I’m not sure what else to do but wait, I guess.  Wait for Travis to find me and to listen to me again like he used to.

                Travis was my best friend since I could remember.  He is probably the coolest kid I’ve ever met, honest.  For years, he and I were side by side, the best of buds against the world.  We did everything together, from school to games to even family vacations.  Parents and teachers would call us inseparable.  They would also call us cute, and we’d look at each other and stick out our tongues in a manner of disgust, and they would laugh at our silliness.  Then we would run to his room where we played video games and eat snacks.  Most of the time, Travis would want to play single-player on his games while I watched, which was fine because I loved to watch his progress.  We didn’t play many multiplayer games because I wasn’t very good at them and Travis would often beat me.  I would sometimes tease him that I let him win, and he would hit me with his pillow which engaged an all-out war between the two of us, which usually ended with tired laughter and my surrender.  Fun fact: Travis’s favorite game system was his Nintendo Gamecube that his father had given him when he was younger.

                Most days I would accompany Travis to school during the week.  We merged into the group of students shuffling into the class when the bell rang every morning so no one would notice.  The desk that he sat at was pretty big, but there wasn’t enough room to fit both of us, so we had to pull an extra chair over from the corner for me to sit in.  The other students were jealous of us.  We could tell because they would give us dirty or confused looks and we would always ignore them and make fun of them later at his house.  The teacher didn’t even seem to notice, which was good for us, because during tests we could both look at his paper, meaning two times the brain power.  Sometimes I would stand up and sneak around the classroom, peeking at other student’s tests and memorizing the answers.  I was really quiet, like a ninja, because no one seemed to notice!

                After lunch in the cafeteria, we would follow the class outside for recess, where we immediately ran for the sandbox in the back corner near the fence.  That was our meeting area, where we hung out every day to play.  It was far away from both the slide and the doors and in quiet part of the playground (at least as quiet as a ton of playing kids can get).  Travis would pull out his Star Wars action figures and we’d reenact the movies as best we could, but with our own little flair.  I always let him play as Darth Vader, because he was the best.  I chose Princess Leia so he didn’t have to play with her, and because she was my favorite character in the movies.  She wasn’t as cool as Darth Vader, but she had a light to her that I enjoyed.

                Some days, one of the dodgeballs that the school gave us for recess rolled next to the sandbox, and this was a signal that Rebecca was coming.  She and her friends always played catch with the ball, and it would always seem to roll over to us at least once a day.  We’ve told her to be careful with the ball, but she never seemed to listen.  Most days, she would simply walk over and pick up the ball without saying a word, while other days she would attempt to start a conversation.

                “What are you doing?” Rebecca asked once, near the beginning of the school year.

                “We’re playing Star Wars,” Travis muttered without giving her a glance from the battle that was erupting on our laps.

                She gave him an odd look that he didn’t seem to notice. “Jessica says you’re weird.”  Then she took the ball and trotted back to her friends without waiting for a reply.  I looked at Travis, and he looked back at me and shrugged.  Who cared what Jessica thought of us?  We continued our battle in the sandbox during the rest of recess.  I had never spoken to Rebecca personally, but that was probably because she didn’t acknowledge me all that often.  She was always very attentive towards Travis, though.  She really only looked my direction whenever Travis mentioned me, and even then she didn’t even look me in the eyes.  In fact, that seemed to happen all the time.  People just ended up paying more attention to Travis than me.  But this didn’t bother me.  People rarely talked with us anyway, and the ones who did I didn’t want to be friends with anyway, and neither did Travis.  I simply got used to the lack of attention.

                At least, until this one day when the teacher, Ms. Atker, noticed Travis and I giggling at his desk.  She stopped her lesson and looked at us through her glasses that sat slumped at end of her crooked nose, just daring to fall off.  “Travis Zimmer,” she spoke with the tone that students feared to have their name spoken with.

                We stopped giggling and Travis’s face turned red.  “Yes, Ms. Atker?”

                “Is there something funny about the lesson?”

                Travis began to stutter. “N…no, I was just…” he trailed off, and his eyes shifted down to his hands which twiddled feverishly in his lap.

                “You were just what, Travis?” she asked, lowering the textbook in her hands, her attention now fixed solely on him.  The rest of the class was also staring at him, all of them caught like flies in the web of tense silence.

                “I… Lucas told me a joke, and-“

                The other students cut him off with their suppressed chuckling.  One of the girls rolled her eyes at Travis.  His hands went from dancing to clasping and he tucked his head in until his chin rested on his chest.  I wanted to say something.  I even looked the girl who rolled her eyes and stuck out my tongue, but she didn’t seem to notice.

                “Alright students, quiet down.” Ms. Atker commanded, and the chuckling died down. She looked once again at our table with softer eyes. “Travis, how about Lucas waits outside in the playground just for today?  Then he’ll be there when you go out to play after lunch.”

                His head shot up and shifted his gaze between me and Ms. Atker.  He looked frightened, and I was too.  My stomach felt shifty.  I didn’t want to leave the classroom.  What would I do for lunch?

                “What would he do for lunch?” Travis asked.

                “You can bring him something from the cafeteria, ok?”

                He started to argue, but the words seemed to stop in his throat.  His mouth gaped slightly opened as he tried to push his protests out, but logic and his will to listen to the teacher kicked in.  He gave me a sad look, and I knew that it was my time to go.  In a way, I felt it unfair as well.  Why don’t I get a say in this?  But I didn’t want to cause any more trouble for Travis, so I stood from my chair and slunk out of the classroom. 

                It felt strange walking the halls of this school without Travis.  The large, blue and gray walls felt alien, and the crudely colored posters that dotted their surface seemed to close in.  My shoes squeaked and echoed towards the doors leading to the playground.  It was quiet outside of the classrooms, and no one else seemed to be walking the halls.  At that moment, I felt incredible lonely.  I realized how so used to Travis’s company I was, and that moments without him felt awful.  Not to mention the guilt I felt towards getting him in trouble.  Ms. Atker was such a cow!  I delighted myself in imagining scenarios where Travis and I ran through her classroom and tore the whole place up.  Ripping the posters from the walls.  Breaking the pencils at her desk.  Flipping the tables and smashing the windows.  All while seeing the horrified look on her old face.  Even then I knew these thoughts were bad, but the anger and humiliation I felt then outweighed any sort of moral standard.  It was the worst I had ever felt in my life up to that point.

                I reached the end of the hall and pushed the doors out to the playground.  Everything was empty and barren without the other students running around, screaming and laughing and climbing on everything.  The chaos of recess was replaced with the chirping of birds in a nearby tree, and the whoosh of the wind through the grass.  The sandbox sat alone away from all of the other structures, and I gloomily walked over and plumped myself in the center of the sand.  I realized that, without Travis, I didn’t have any of his toys to play with, so I ended up dragging my hand back and forth through the soft powder, digging small holes and occasionally slapping the sand only to watch it explode in a cloud of grit.  I took my hand away, expecting an impression where my hand was, but there was nothing.

                After a few hour long centuries, the bell finally rang for the third time since I was sent out here.  A few moments later, a flood of kids began to pour out of the double doors.  My head rose eagerly at the sound of their scattering, and I scanned the crowd for Travis’s familiar shaggy hair.  Finally, as the crowd began to die down, Travis appeared at the doors.  When he saw me, he gave me a small smile and made his way over to the sandbox.  When he approached, my mood melted into excitement, and I forgot what I was thinking about.

                “Travis!” I exclaimed, beaming. “The playground was so quiet!  How was class?  You wanna play Space Pirates?”

                He gave another smile, but didn’t seem to match my enthusiasm.  “Sure,” he said, and squatted next to me in the sand.

                “Are you ok?” I asked, noticing his gloomy stance.

                “Yeah, I’m fine,” he said, pulling out his Star Wars action figures, “but you won’t be!”  He tossed me Princess Leia, then immediately started attacking me with Darth Vader’s lightsaber.  I giggled and pushed sand on his figure, and we spent the rest of the recess playing in the sandbox.  At one point, in the midst of a heated duel between R2-D2 and a Stormtrooper, I noticed Ms. Atker, standing at the doorway, watching us.  Travis had noticed her too and kept glancing at her without stopping the game.  After a few minutes, she went back inside the building.

                This happened a few more times over the course of several weeks.  Ms. Atker would stop us as we entered her classroom and asked if I could stay outside.  After a while we stopped protesting, and it became habitual for me to head straight to the sandbox.  I guess she realized that having me around was unfair to the other kids.  I had gotten used to waiting for Travis, spending long hours alone in the sandbox.  Travis tried to give me some of his toys to keep me company, but I didn’t want to take them from him.  I didn’t want him to worry about me while I worried about him.

                Instead of blowing over like I hoped, however, thigs got worse.  One day, after the bus dropped us off at Travis’s house, we walked inside to his mother waiting for us in the living room.  She was sitting on the couch with the home telephone in her hand and a piece of paper in her lap.

                “Hi mom,” Travis said.

                She smiled warmly. “Hey hun, how was school?”

                “It was ok.  Math was really boring though, more boring than usual.”  He placed his backpack next to his shoes by the door.  “Lucas and I are going to play video games.  What’s for dinner?”

                She didn’t respond at first, but instead looked down at the small piece of paper.  I noticed it had writing on it that looked like a name with a phone number underneath it.  “Travis,” she spoke in a soothing tone that suggested she was going to say something big.  The last time she used it was when she told him that the neighbor’s dog died, and the time before that was about his dad.  “I’m going to take you to see someone today, is that ok?”

                “Who?” he asked.  I was curious too.

                “Well, his name is Dr. Mason.  He’s not like the doctor you go to for check-ups.  He deals with other things, and I think you should talk to him about some stuff.”

                He gave her a questioning gaze, and I knew what he was thinking.  “So no tongue depressors?”

                “No,” she gave a soft giggle and smiled again, “you’re just going to talk with him for a little bit.  Does that sound ok?”

                “Can Lucas come along?” I smiled a hopeful smile at his mom, who mostly said yes when asked this question.  But this time, she simply looked at Travis for a few moments before speaking.

                “I think Lucas should stay here for this one, ok?”

                The words hit me like a brick.  First I get kicked out of school, and now here too?  Why wouldn’t she want me to go?  I wouldn’t have caused any trouble.  I would’ve been good and sat quietly as Travis spoke to the doctor.  Heck, I would even talk to the doctor for him if he didn’t want to.  I knew Travis very well and there wasn’t a single thing about him that I didn’t know.  We told each other everything, even if we didn’t have much to say. 

                “But mom, he’s been waiting outside all day,” Travis protested.

                “I know hun,” she walked from the couch and leaned next to us.  She placed her hand on Travis’s arm, who looked very troubled.  “He’ll be here when we get back, I promise.  For now, he just needs to stay here so the doctor can talk to you alone.”

                “But what if the doctor wants to talk to me?” I asked.

                “But what if the doctor wants to talk to him?” Travis asked.

                “Then we’ll come back and pick him up.” she soothed.  Her hand began rubbing the sleeve of his jacket.  Travis’s face was red, and I could feel my face turning red as well.  My hands began to sweat and the shifty feeling in my stomach returned. 

                Finally, Travis muttered, “Ok.”

                His mother once again smiled, but this one didn’t have the same warmth.  She leaned up and kissed his head, then stood up.  “Ok, then let me get my purse and we can leave.” 

                She left and disappeared into the hallway to her bedroom.  I was stunned, but I didn’t say anything.  I was watching Travis, who was looking down at the carpet.  His face was no longer bright red, but he held a blank expression.  He had brought his hands together and they were fidgeting with each other in front of his chest.  I didn’t know what to say to him, so I kept silent as we waited for his mother to return.  When she finally did, she beckoned him to come.  Without looking up, he put on his shoes and started to follow his mother out the door.

                “Bye Travis!  I’ll be here, don’t worry about me.  Good luck!”

                He might have muttered a goodbye, but I didn’t hear him.  The door closed, and I found myself staring forward, staring into space alone in the living room.  All alone in the house.  I had never been alone in the house before.  It was very rare for me not to go anywhere with Travis, and even then he would be back within a few minutes.  I always knew he would be back as fast as possible, and I wasn’t fully alone.  Now this type of loneliness was crushing.  I had the house to myself, but my brain hit a brick wall.  So I sat zoned out, staring at the door for a few minutes before I forced myself to move.  Where, exactly, I didn’t know.  I ended up wandering to Travis’s room.  I didn’t bother turning on the light.  I ended up sitting alone in the very center of the room in the single block of light shining through the open window above his bed.

                I don’t know how long I sat there, but I came to when I heard the opening of the front door and footsteps shuffling in.  I sprang from the floor and happily ran to the noise.  Travis was taking off his shoes and jacket as his mother entered behind him, shutting the door behind her.  “Hey, Travis!” I said, waiting for him to finish removing his shoes.  When he finished, he glanced at me for only a second, then back down to the floor.

                “I’ll go make some dinner, ok?” His mother walked past him and began walking to the kitchen.

                “Ok.” He muttered.  When she heard the tone of his voice, she turned and gave him a sad look.

                “Honey, come here.” She bent on her and spread her arms.  Travis hesitated at first, then slowly walked over and placed himself in her grasp.  I watched, worried and confused as she stroked his hair and rubbed his back.  “You did great,” she whispered in his ear.  After a few moments of this, they finished her embrace.  She made her way to the kitchen, and Travis walked past me and towards his room.  I followed him down the hall, wondering what to say.

                When we reached his room, he shut the door behind me and walked to his bed, where he removed a book from the bedside dresser and began reading it.  I waddled over to a bean bag chair in the corner and sat down.  We sat in painful silence for what felt like hours.  Questions brewed in my head like a bubbling potion ready to burst out of its beaker.  Travis didn’t look up from his book, which he much have been really into because he couldn’t take his eyes off of it.  His brow furrowed in concentration, but the strangest thing was I never saw him even turn a page.  The book was a Star Wars novel that his father gave him before he died before I knew him.  Oh, fun fact: Did you know that his dad and I shared the same name?  I always thought that was a strange coincidence. 

                Things stayed like this for weeks, and it just kept getting worse.  Travis was very silent towards me, rarely speaking except in times he needed to.  At times I would catch him glancing at me, and I would try to catch his gaze and smile at him to make him feel better, but he always looked away before I had a chance. 

                Every Tuesday after school, his mother would take him to see the same doctor, and every night he would come back and go straight to his room to read his book without saying a word to me.  Had I done something wrong?  Was he embarrassed to know me now for some reason?  I thought maybe he was embarrassed that I had gotten kicked out of class that one time, so I tried to apologize to him one night.  His response consisted of a small grunt, and that was usually all I could get out of him.  I constantly wondered what he and the doctor had talked about, but every time I tried to bring it up in conversation, he would snap at me.  That was the only way I could get him to say anything to me.  This made me angry, but not at Travis.  In fact, I can’t exactly name who I was angry at, or even what I was angry about.  There were nights when I couldn’t sleep because I couldn’t unclench my fists.  My face would feel hot and I wanted more than anything to scream at someone, but bit my tongue to keep quiet.  I would then spend the rest of the night watching Travis toss and turn in his sleep, which happened a lot now more than ever.

                Then Wednesday came.  Yesterday.

                I woke up that morning to find that Travis’s bed was empty.  I looked at the clock and realized that school had already started.  He hadn’t woken me up to go to school with him.  I sprang up and ran out of the bedroom and out of the house.  The school was about two miles away, and his mother had already left for work, so I decided to walk.  I guess I knew it would be a long hike, but that wasn’t where my thoughts were focused on at the moment.  Had he purposefully not woken me up?  Maybe he simply forgot, or maybe he was running late and didn’t have time to get me up.  He probably realized it too late and feels really bad about it.  I smiled at the thought of his face as I told him it was ok and that I understood.  I had to get to the school as fast as I could so he wouldn’t worry.

                I’m not sure how long it took for me to walk all the way to the school, but when I arrived I walked straight in and went directly for the classroom.  It never occurred to me that I had no perception of time at the current moment, and so when I walked into the classroom I was surprised to find it completely empty.  For several moments, I panicked.  My eyes eventually made their way to the clock hanging above the chalkboard, and I sighed with relief.  It was 12:46, meaning that everyone was outside at recess.  I weaved through the aisles of chairs towards the large windows on the far side of the room.  They pointed out towards the playground, where I noticed all of the kids running around and playing.  I found the sandbox immediately.

                There sat Travis, toys in hand, as Rebecca fought back with one of her own in the pool of sand.  They sat facing each other, laughing and throwing sand.  Rebecca threw a large handful that covered his hair completely, and he leaned over to her and shook it all off like a wet dog.  She squealed and laughed, and her words mouthed the words, “Stop it, Travis! Stop!”  Travis looked up and smiled his mischievous, young boy grin, and they both broke out in more laughter.

                I stared at them until my hands hurt from clenching them.  I would have kept watching if tears didn’t blur my vision.  I looked away from the windows and started rubbing my eyes.  I realized I didn’t want to look back.  I couldn’t look back.  Instead I grabbed the nearest desk and flipped it.  I did the same thing to two other desks, then clumsily threw a chair at the wall.  I went to the teacher’s desk and swept everything off the top of it.  Pencils, pens, papers, markers, little apple decorations, all crashed into a pile to the floor.  I hopped over it and began pulling out all of the drawers, adding more to the mess.  When the desk dried up, I began ripping the posters off the walls, tearing them up and throwing the shreds onto the floor.  I flipped two more desks.  I smashed the clock and tore books from the shelves.  I screamed and I sobbed.  I had never felt this horrible before, and I didn’t know how to take it.  When I finally finished, I turned back just before leaving to see that nothing had changed and the classroom still looked the same as it did before.

                I left the school and aimlessly walked down the nearest road.  I didn’t want to watch Travis.  I didn’t want to go back to his house and wait.  I didn’t even want to walk, but my legs kept pulling me down the road and out of the neighborhood.  I walked for hours in a straight line, with no clear indication of where I was going.  Eventually I found this park and collapsed on this bench.  I was completely drained of all energy.  I couldn’t even make myself cry anymore.  I tried to calm down and think about the situation, but the image of Travis playing with Rebecca kept protruding and growing in my mind like a weed.  Then I fell asleep.

                I don’t know how long I’ve been here.  Days, maybe.  Weeks.  I’m not sure.  When I woke up the first time, it was night, and I had no intention of leaving the bench.  So I sat up and simply waited.  I’ve been waiting.  For what I’m not sure, but if I just sit here patiently then something will come.  Maybe Travis will find me.  I feel bad for leaving him, and I worry that I won’t be there for him if he is in trouble.  Yet I still comfort myself with the thought of him finding me again.  I’ve decided that if he ever needs me, he will come and get me.  I don’t mind waiting for him at all.  When he needs me, I’ll always be here.  Waiting.

New Patreon/More Content

Recently I have set up a Patreon account that will be linked to this blog. You can find my Patreon page through the link below. All my content will still be free and readily available to view and share. This is simply a way for anyone to easily submit donations towards my work. If you have a moment, please consider briefly checking it out and browsing through my works. Thanks!

Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/user?u=523757

Tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/dashboard

Candles and Ink

Physically, inspirational.

Metaphysically, equally so.

Whenever lost in absence of muse

We wander wherever it points to go.

Does the fear of the dark

Stem from the horrors that hide behind?

Or simply the possibility

Of the hell that we must grind?

Yet what if instead

As fear of isolation?

From the visible world;

From the spotlight of creation?

In all it is witnessed,

Giving loved the life to think.

Transcendence is as analysis claims

To flow from candles and ink.

Reading Challenge for 2015 and Other Book-Related Things

In celebration for my sudden enthusiasm towards my book collection, I've decided to try a reading challenge for 2015 that a friend of mine had sent me. She sent it to me over Tumblr and it looks really fun and I will link it at the bottom of this post. I have already begun planning the books I will be reading for the challenge. Currently, I've started the novel Cut by Patricia McCormick as the first book to help me with the challenge. Its short and quick, which is perfect considering that college will once again start soon and that means a ton of work coming my way.

Also, I've found this website to help me organize and share my personal library. Its called LibraryThing.com and is basically a large organization tool for anyone who wants to list their library online for others to see. You can also rate and review books, add books to the database, chat with local people who also have accounts, etc. It seems pretty cool, so feel free to check out my library on there as well. My username is IAmQuigg and I will post the link at the bottom as well.

ALSO, this summer of 2015 will officially be my fantasy summer as far as reading literature. I have made a deal with my friend to focus only on books pertaining to a fantasy setting or plot. Currently some books on the list include:

• Lord of the Rings Trilogy
• The Eragon books
• As many Neil Gaiman books as I can fit
• Possibly the Artemis Fowl series?
• The Inkheart series.

I know its not much right now, but it will grow as I continue to plan for the summer. Then the next summer after that will be entirely focused on the dozens of Star Wars novels I have hidden away in a large drawer under my cabinet. That will be a crazy time.

Here is the link to the 2015 reading challenge which I encourage everyone to participate in:

http://www.popsugar.com/love/Reading-Challenge-2015-36071458?crlt.pid=camp.RTlcdYOWNcmE

And here is the library organizer:

https://www.librarything.com/home

I hope everyone is having a great winter break and is ready for the start of a new year. More news pertaining to my college career will come soon.